Surgery and Recovery

I went in for my nerve graft surgery on January 29th. As I sat in the small, colorless pre-operative room in my stylish hospital gown, I did not feel particularly excited about what was about to take place. I was not very nervous either... almost ambivalent... mainly eager to have it done with so I could go home. I had confidence that God would do whatever was best for me, but what that was I did not know. So, I continued to pray that no matter what the outcome, I would be at peace with it.

Before I knew it I was waking up in the recovery room. The surgery had been more extensive than planned: The doctors were forced to take all of the donor nerve from my leg in addition to the nerve from my arm because of the upredicted amount of damaged area. My peck muscle had to be detached and reatached in order to access the location. They had also found another schwannoma tumor in the process and removed it. The surgery had gone on for four and a half hours, almost two hours longer than expected. I was to be kept overnight for pain monitoring. Admittedly, I was a little sad that the surgery was a bit more rough than one would have hoped and that I would not be going home right away; but overall I was at peace with what had happened. I thought of the dozens of people that had been praying for me. It was truly amazing to see God's love in their hearts.

However, I began to face another issue: pain. The operation had left me feeling a variety of unpleasant things of which I will not go into great detail. My body was constantly exhausted and so I fell asleep often, and when I was awake I was irriatable despite my best attempts to appear thankful. My prayers became half hearted. I tried to read my Bible but I could not concentrate on anything and it just resulted in frustration and aggravation.

The two or three days following the surgery were the worst and it was during that time that I virtually gave up trying to maintain my relationship with God. I was not angry with God. I had not lost faith in God. But the pains and frustrations I faced were enough to cause me to become unthinking about God. This was something new to me. I did not feel right about it, but yet I felt helpless to change it. As more time passed and I began to feel healthier each day, I returned to the Lord and asked his forgiveness. I resumed my praying and Bible reading and my disposition became more cheery. It is truly amazing how faithful God is.

I am not proud of those days in which I neglected God but as I reflect on them and their cause I feel that they helped me to grow spiritually. Previously, I had believed that those with faith in Christ Jesus should be able to withstand any troubles that might come there way. And if they couldn't, they must be doing something wrong. For it is obvious that in times of suffering we need to seek God more than ever, not turn away from Him. Although I still believe that to be the case, I now realize that sometimes it is easier said than done. All it took was a little bit of soreness and exhaustion to cause me to stumble.

I thank God for this experience because now I can share with others about my own trials and my own time of broken communication with God. I can let them know that it does not make you a bad person to falter, it just reminds us that we are indeed only human. And when we do neglect our relationship with Jesus, because of whatever current pain is distracting us, our Lord remains faithful and will be there through thick and thin.


God, You are so wonderful. Even when I stumble, You remain faithful. Forgive us for our transgressions and let them become opportunities to grow spiritually. You are perfectly good and sovereign and so I put my life in your hands and have faith that you will take care of me.


Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds -Psalms 36:5