My Testimony

Today I gave my testimony at church. It was a great experience. I would like to share it with everyone.

"I am the last person that should be on this stage. My family is not Christian, I had no Christian friends, I had no desire to ever become Christian, and at times I actively spoke against Christians for what I saw as ignorance and hypocrisy. I was an agnostic through and through. So even just eight months ago, if you would have told me I would be sharing my testimony with a church, I would have thought you were crazy and probably laughed in your face. It is by God’s grace alone that I am able to stand here in front of you.

This past summer I went back home to Central California only to hear that my best friend from high school, Kyle, had “found God”. This guy had not just been my best friend, but also my partner in crime when it came to trying to make our Christian peers feel stupid. So it came as quite a shock to hear this. Immediately I called him, convinced that somebody had gotten their facts wrong; but sure enough, he affirmed that he was seeking God. As much as I wouldn’t have admitted then, even to myself, a spark of excitement and hope was put in my heart—If Kyle could accept this, maybe it wasn’t so far fetched. But, being who I was, I set out to do some research that might disprove Christianity and remind my friend why we believed what we believed. It was here that my journey really started.

For me personally, one of my greatest issues to overcome was what I saw as intellectual barriers to Faith. I was convinced that my agnosticism was the only smart choice and that everybody else was just misinformed or irrational. With so many religions out there, why should Christianity be anything special? It was going to take some straight forward facts, and sound logic to even get me to the point where I could consider Christianity an option. So, when I went to spend the rest of the summer with my girlfriend Natalee in Oregon, I took hours upon hours reading apologetics and theology trying to pick out their factual inconsistencies and faulty logic. But after reading thousands of pages (including Case for Christ and Case for Faith by Lee Strobel) I was stumped. The gospels are historically accurate, their sources are reliable, and their message is specific. No amount of scrutinizing could argue with what was placed clearly in front of me –there is one true God and He is Jesus.

I had thought getting past that intellectual hurtle was impossible, yet there I was on the other side, faced with the truth about God. But the battle was not over and I ran face first into some serious problems: namely my sinful nature and the terrible habits that I had formed. I lived life in whatever way I saw best. I lied when it was convenient. I got drunk if I felt like it. I had a lustful heart towards women. I was often selfish, not willing to help others if it didn’t help me somehow. I judged people and talked badly about them. Most damaging, I was very proud and arrogant. Even as I changed my outward behavior, my great sin of pride caused me to have an attitude of “I’ll do this because you said so God, but I still think I know better than you”. I had a heart of stone and I needed Jesus to replace it with a heart of flesh. I begged God to forgive me of my sins and open my heart so that I could accept his love.

I started going to a church where people had a passion for Jesus and the Bible. I found that fellowship, prayer, worship, and hearing the Word gave me great joy. They preached the gospel, and one Sunday I stood up and answered the call to be baptized. That day I said, 'Jesus is my Lord' for the first time. I was saved. I died to my sin and became a new creation. I had turned away from God for twenty one years and yet He received me with open arms and perfect love.

A short time later I heard the story of Paul the Apostle who had ruthlessly persecuted Christians until Jesus himself confronted him to stop. Paul then became one of the greatest advocates for Christ: preaching the gospel and planting churches everywhere. I was inspired knowing that even with the evil Paul had committed, once he gave his life to Jesus he was able to do great good. And so I thought, maybe I can be more than just a wicked soul who was saved; maybe I can do good in the name of the Lord too. So here I am today. My life is nothing like I thought it would be. I have decided to go to seminary when I graduate and work towards becoming a pastor. I am engaged to a wonderful Christian woman name Natalee. I have purpose beyond myself.

For those of you who are seeking, or were dragged here against your will, and think ‘it will never happen to me’, or those who are believers and have friends or family members that you are discouraged about because they are set in their ways, I hope my testimony makes you think twice before giving up. Because like I said, I am the last person that should be up here, and God’s grace is not too small for anyone."


Jesus, you are so good. You forgive us of our sins and give us the gift of your mercy and redeeming grace. I pray that my life would always serve as a testimony to your power and love. Let my story open the hearts and minds of the people.

At a Loss for Words

It has been awhile. I have not written anything in quite some time. Today I had my sabbath, a time of rest, reflection, and communication with the Lord; and so I had a great desire to produce some unified idea or truth based on all of the prayer and Bible readings from this afternoon and the past week. As much as I pondered and stared blankly at the screen, nothing came to me. I simply did not know what to say.

So too, we may have times when we feel we are at a loss for words. Maybe you want to talk to a friend or co-worker about your Faith but are afraid that you won't be able to answer all of their questions or say the right thing. It might be that you become so worried or nervous that you are incapacitated and simply never act. Who are we to speak of such glorious things anyway?

Good news! As Jesus prepared his disciples to go out into a world full of sin and hostility, 'as sheep in the midst of wolves', He said this:
you will be dragged before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them and the Gentiles. When they deliver you over, do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you -Matt 10:18-20.
Indeed it can be scary to try and share the gospel...up against unbelieving, uninterested, and unrepentant souls. But be comforted, for you are not alone. The Holy Spirit is in you and will put the rights words in your mouth when the time comes!

Praise you oh Lord! Your Spirit resides in our hearts. We can be comforted knowing that we do not face doubtful eyes or difficult questions on our own. I pray that you would continue to use your Spirit to guide us as we further your Kingdom. When we are at a loss for words, speak your message clearly and effectively through our mouths. Thank you for this gift. Let us use it according to your will. Amen


[written 1/16/10]

Big Decisions

Sometimes big decisions need to be made. Not, 'Which socks am I going to wear with these pants?', but the kind of thing that might change the rest of your life. Today I find myself in the situation of the latter, at the proverbial crossroads. Do I get surgery or do I opt to do nothing and live with the nerve damage in my hand? Well my doctors seem to feel it is well worth the risk, and their professional opinion is that I ought to go through with the procedure as soon as possible. Initially, their expertise swayed me in the direction of their advice; however, upon reflection I have realized that I am deliberating over the wrong question and taking my advice from the wrong source. One story from the Bible reminded me not to make this mistake.

The people of Israel had found themselves with one of those life changing decisions in their laps. The vicious armies of Assyria were on their way to destroy them... So, what do they do? Stay and fight, run and hide, or something else? What they did do was turn to the Egyptians, the experts, and ask for their help and advice. The Egyptians said, 'Oh we have just the solution for you! We will give you these fast Arabian horses so you can escape to Egypt when the Assyrians come.' But they asked the wrong question and took their advice from the wrong source. Ah, stubborn children, declares the Lord, who carry out a plan, but not mine, and who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit, that they may add sin to sin; who set out to go down to Egypt, WITHOUT ASKING FOR MY DIRECTION, to take refuge in the protection of Pharoah and to seek the shelter in the shadow of Egypt! Therefore shall the protection of Pharaoh turn to your shame and the shelter in the shadow of Egypt to your humiliation-Isaiah 30:1-3.

In my case, the question is not whether given my two choices, 'Is the potential gain greater than the potential loss?' (although of course that has crossed my mind). Instead, the question should be, given the options, 'What does God want me to do?'. This particular instance is hard to decipher because it might be that I have the nerve damage for a reason and I should not impose my will on His. On the other hand, I have prayed for help with my hand, and maybe this surgery is God's way of providing an answer to that prayer. There is no easy way of knowing but what I am sure of is that when I do decide, it should be because God helped me to understand the right choice.

Heavenly Father, let it be that I turn to You for all my advice, for ultimately I know You have my best interest in mind. I want to be dependent on you Lord. Whether it be doctors or Egyptians, I know You will have an answer that they can never provide. Your ways are greater than ours. Be my Shepherd and guide me to still waters and green pastures where others might lead me astray. I humble myself before You and ask, what shall You have me do?

When You're Hungry

While in the wilderness, Jesus was tempted by the devil. Satan did not pop out from behind a tree to frighten Jesus as He arrived. Instead, Satan waited until Jesus had fasted for forty days and forty nights. I have never gone more than a day without eating so I can only imagine how tired, weak, and hungry Jesus must have felt at that point. And it was then, while Jesus was vulnerable, that the devil appeared to tempt him.

When we are feeling discouraged or weak, sometimes we forget to turn to God. I am certain the enemy knows this and while our troubles or 'hunger' distracts us from what is right, Satan offers tempting consolation in sin. The man that gets laid off from his job unexpectedly might let his perceived suffering push him to drinking instead of bringing him to God for advice and assistance. Jesus, as worn down as He must have been out there in the wilderness, never made such as mistake.

The devil tempted Jesus with food and power but while He was physically starving to death, He was spiritually full. Jesus had just sat down to a forty night feast of prayer and meditation and when evil came, He was prepared. At each temptation offered by the devil, Jesus responded by quoting scripture until Satan was forced to leave in defeat. Men shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God -Matt 4:4. I think Jesus's victory over temptation here really demonstrates the importance of having a strong foundation in God's Word, the Bible. No matter how bad the pangs of hunger might tear at your insides, the Word will always be there to provide sustenance.

Jesus, I pray that we might be able to do as you did. Let us eat heartily at the table of the Word that we may never be spiritually hungry. Help us to understand the Bible and send evil away in defeat when it comes to tempt us.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied -Matt 5:6

Walking with the Lord

In chapter 5 of Genesis, the descendants of Adam are listed, along with the number of years they lived. For example, Thus all the days of Mahalalel were 895 years, and he died -Gen 5:17. Each man is listed in a similar fashion, until we get to Enoch, son of Jared. Of Enoch it is written, Thus all the days of Enoch were 365 years. Enoch walked with God, and he was not, for God took him -Gen 5:23-24. It is interesting that the deaths of the other men were explicitly mentioned; but Enoch, who walked with the Lord, was not said to die but to be taken by God. So what does it mean to walk with God? I believe Noah can help us to begin to understand.

Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation. Noah walked with God -Gen 6:9. In a time of corruption and violence, Noah was the one man that found favor in God's eyes. In this chapter there is no mention of great works by Noah that might merit such favor; no outstanding feats of generosity or bravery as one might imagine. However, like Enoch, Noah was said to have walked with the Lord. I think that what Noah does when God tells him of the coming flood is the key to what it means to walk with God. So what does he do? He did all that God commanded him -6:22. When the heavenly Father came to Noah and said, 'build a gigantic ark, round up the kids, and gather a couple of every smelly animal', there is no mention of Noah questioning the Lord's orders or asking the Lord to pass on the responsibility to another. Noah did exactly as God instructed him to do. He "walked with the Lord".

Because Noah had faith and trust in God, he was able to fully commit himself to whatever God desired. A man not walking with the Lord would never have taken to heart the urgency and importance of God's words and would have perished under the waters. But Noah never wavered. He built an enormous ark (which must have seemed like such a laborious, unnecessary task at the time). And when the flood came God not only spared the lives of Noah and his family, but He made sure they had enough food -Gen 6:21 and He shut them in the ark himself -Gen 7:16.

Many of us shy away from walking with the Lord in the way that Noah did. It is fine and dandy to say you have faith in God and to listen to Him when He commands you to do something pleseant or easy; but what about when God tells you, 'there is a flood coming and you have a really difficult job ahead of you'. Do we say 'hey, just show me the blue prints Lord' or do we pretend we cannot hear Him while the water starts to slosh against our ankles?

Heavenly Father, I want to be like Noah and Enoch. I want to walk with you Lord. I pray that I have the faith and the courage to do all you command of me. Even when I feel unworthy and unable I know that You only ask of me what You know I can do.

Beginnings and Love

Today was day #2 in my journey through the Bible in a year. So far, I have read chapters 1-4 of Genesis and the first two chapters of Matthew. So much is packed in that small amount of scripture. In Genesis: the beginning of the heavens and the earth, of night and day, of animals and man, of everything but God himself. In Matthew: the beginning of Jesus's life on earth. One verse in particular caught my eye in my study, And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day -Gen 3:8. Although this precedes the prompt expulsion of Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden, I cannot help but smile at the image found here in Genesis. Adam and Eve had direct fellowship with God! Imagine what it must have been like to live in the very place that God took his afternoon strolls... truly amazing.

Something that I have taken away from these six or so chapters of the Bible is immeasurablele extent of the infinite, sincere, gracious love God has for us. The mere fact that God created man when he did not have to attests to this. Not only that, but He gave man life through his own breath: the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature -Gen 2:7. There are countless other examples, such as the compassion God shows Adam and Eve after the eat of the tree of knowledge. And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them -Gen 3:21. Even after they broke the only rule in the garden, He made sure they were properly clothed. Obviously, the eventual sacrifice of His only Son was the ultimate proclamation of God's love for us.

Thank you Lord for the love you continue to show us, forgiving us over and over. Let your infinite love fill our hearts. I pray that we would always praise you and love you as You desire.

We are fickle humans incapable of God's perfection but if each of us made an effort to love others as God loves us imagine what a better place this world would be..


written 1/02/10

New Year's Resolutions

New Year's Eve... a time that many, like myself, pause a moment to reflect on the passing year and to make plans for the year to come. 2009 has been arguably the most influential period in my life. I can imagine no decision more transformative than to commit oneself to following Jesus Christ. Even in a decade or two of time seemingly wasted, this single declaration of dedication to our savior provides meaning and purpose beyond measure. I will always remember 2009 as the year I accepted God's perfect love and the salvation that His love entails.

Tradition dictates that one ought to make a resolution of sort, a promise of good intentions for the new year -- getting off on the right foot. Typically I do not partake in this pastime, but as I am a new man I thought it might be a nice change of pace, as well as a good way to provide a sense of accountability.

One tangible mission that I would like to take on in 2010 is to read through the entire Bible. Old Testament, New Testament... you name it, I want to read it, understand it, and apply it. My good friend Quen has given me a fantastic day by day scheduled break down of how I might accomplish my goal. It is amazing how simple it looks on paper, just a few verses each day. I invite anyone and everyone to join me in this endeavor. Let's make daily reading in the Bible a priority. Like a healthy breakfast, spending time in God's inspired Word every morning can set the tone for the rest of the day.

A second resolution for the quickly approaching new year was inspired by the book of Romans. Now in the Apostle Paul's letter to his Christian brothers in Rome, he lays down some pretty heavy theology; but I think the core of his message can be simplified in three main points.
First, all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God -Rom 3:23. The key to this point is the inclusiveness: None is righteous, no, not one -Rom 3:10. This means you, me, your friend, that stranger... everyone! So why should anyone care? We are all sinners... big deal... right?
Wrong. For the wages of sin is death Rom 6:23. This is the second point. We all have sinned and therefore we all deserve death.
Finally, although "the wages of sin is death", we are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Jesus Christ, whom God put forward as a propriation by his blood, TO BE RECIEVED BY FAITH-Rom 3:24-25 . This is fantastic news! For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life -John 3:16. Praise God for He is so good that while in our wretched state, He willingly died for us on the cross.
So where then does the resolution come in? Well despite the great joy in my heart, knowing I am saved through Christ Jesus, there remains an air of sadness knowing how many others have not found that same joy. So many people, my friends and family included, have not accepted God's gift of redemption. And until one receives that gift through faith in Jesus, they must still be judged according to their sins, and the penalty is death. A pardon unaccepted cannot save. Therefore my second resolution is to share the gospel at every opportunity. I have a tendency to be shy and witnessing to others can be a difficult thing This year I want to put that aside in order to give to others the hope and happiness and purpose that is waiting for them if they would only ask for it.

Dear Lord Jesus, let 2010 be a wondrous year. Give me strength as I try to share your Word with others. Do not let my fear or insecurities keep me from doing what I know is right. Let your Spirit speak through me that they might hear the message and learn of your perfect love. Help me spread this joy and peace you give freely to those that have faith in you.


written 12/31/09